Anger is a normal emotion we all have experienced. Whether it’s anger at another person for something, or anger over the various injustices in the world, anger is a common human feeling and response. However there is a difference between occasionally getting angry and outrageously getting angry more often than usual, which is beyond your control.
Most people can do a pretty good job hiding anger from friends and coworkers, but it’s our loved ones who see us when we’re the most real. They’re the ones we feel closest to and safest with, so, unfortunately, they’re the ones we’re most likely take our anger out on. And for some of us it happens so often that it becomes a problem.
People handle their anger through 2 primary ways.
- 1.Express- Blame, Shout, Yell, Aggression, Violent
- 2.Supress- Get into the shell, don’t share, pretend normal, stack memories
Why anger arises?
Anger is an unconscious act when mind stop taking instructions from you. Its an inbuilt mechanism which shows that your current life is not in alignment with your inner voice. Its a warning signal that demands us to take action to make things right.
Who Deals With Anger Issues?
It’s easy to assume that it’s just men who have anger management problems. While it’s true that men’s anger issues can be more obvious, women are just as prone to having problems with anger too. Struggling with anger has less to do with gender and more to do with the psychological issues and life experiences that have shaped us. Often there can be unresolved problems, or even abuses, that have created an internal emotional struggle within a person. Overtime these feelings when left unaddressed can impact our ability to control our anger and respond appropriately to situations or other people.
How It Impacts:
For Expressers: Regular anger bursts can cause difficulties with relationships, families and jobs. Sudden reactions and uncalled for attitude can create unpleasant memories, incidences and situations which can lead to emotional pain, guilt, trauma for lifetime.
For Supressors: The withhold of unexpressed feelings over a period of time can result in physiological issues. The unpleasant feelings gets locked in our body parts which blocks the free flow of energy field. These blocked energies show up in the form of different chronic alignments.
You might not think yourself to be an angry person, however people might have a different point of view about you.
Some signs when people see you as an angry person are:
- Name-calling
- Criticizing, belittling, putting down
- Lack of patience, get reactive
- Irritability and short temper
- Blaming everyone and everything else
- When you get angry you shut down or withdraw
- People avoid talking to you
- Partner, kids, family members are afraid to talk to you
- You snap at people without listening
- You don’t share your upset even after repeated asking.
If you recognize yourself, or someone you know in this list of anger symptoms, don’t feel too bad. It’s not that uncommon. The first step towards change is awareness of the problem. I used to see myself on this list too, but I learned how to manage my anger and you can too.
The biggest obstacle for those of us with anger issues is denying that it’s true. Learning to stop/control it, isn’t as easy as people want to think. So learn about the 3-fold approach I use to effectively treat anger management problems.
1.Experience: When we put a name to our emotions, it automatically calms us down. Without judgment confront to yourself that “I feel angry” and observe its tension in your body. Witness your thoughts and physical sensations happening inside of you as an outsider. If within first 3 seconds you can catch your anger developing it might now turn into a reaction.
(P.s. this is an important yet challenging step, however, if you are not able to do so , don’t be disheartened and move onto step 2)
2.Sit back & Breathe: After you get hold of yourself take a few deep breaths to slow down the Cortisol level, which is the main stress harmone in our body and helps you release the tension. This helps you calm down and puts your rational mind into action.
3.Inquire: After you calm down, use your anger to improve your self-awareness
Here are a few questions that helped me to learn from my anger so you can turn it into a good thing:
- What has made you angry in the past?
- What caused the anger?
- How did you feel afterward?
- How often did something similar happen?
By simply answering those questions, you’ll learn more about what triggers anger. Often, you’ll find that it was unnecessary.
Like with anything that’s difficult in life, it requires practice to stay calm. With time and practice our ability to manage our emotions gets in our control rather than dependant on external conditions/situations.